Pink Strawberry

Validation

2009-10-18T20:20:58+02:00

The definition of val'i•da'tion is To declare or make legally valid. To mark with an indication of official sanction. To establish the soundness of; corroborate.

Things get “Validated” to communicate that they are indeed “Good”. Before their validation, things are regarded as non conforming. Think of a ticket. Before its validation it’s just a simple piece of paper. Only when it’s validated does it become a right to travel, so acquiring value. A beautiful dress is just a beautiful dress until it’s ‘validated’ with a Designer’s label. Knowledge of a subject isn’t taken seriously until it gets validated with a degree certificate. So unless someone or something gets the Seal of Approval, it merely just exists.

I’ve often thought that of life.

You can be the most successful, high earning, independent, stylish, sexy, sociable woman but compared to the “Wife and Mother” (albeit often frumpy, loafer wearing, desperate housewife dependant on her husband) you will always be the second-class citizen because you’re not “Validated” by marriage.

A single girl knows what it’s like being amidst her people. She feels loved, desired, sure of herself. She has a full diary filled with nights out often including a high amount of alcohol, weekends away with friends or lovers, Saturday afternoons spent blissfully shopping usually coming home with a way-too-expensive pair of shoes, cinemas, theatres, galleries, lunch with favourite friends… When she has company in her beautifully styled, expensive apartment in the best area of town, conversations touch a variety of interesting topics, and usually end up in exquisite exchanges in the bedroom. She can decide to be wherever she wants to be whenever she wants to be there. She sees the wistfulness in the eyes of the people whom she tells about her holidays in exciting places and can positively feel the longing for her in the eyes of her married male interlocutors. She keeps herself busy. Her life is continuously on the move and she always tries to be surrounded by people.

She tries to be alone as little as possible because, apart from the fact she likes company, she remembers the desolate feeling of being in her big, perfect bed alone. She has often wondered in those moments, if she died, how long it would take people to realise. She is conscious of her beauty but even more so of the passing years. She dreads the upcoming family gathering where she will be the sore thumb amidst all the married relations, some pitying her and others with smug looks in her direction.

Her mind dares to wander to a distant dream of her arriving at the family gathering on the arm of her husband closely followed by her kids. She can positively feel the warmth in her relatives’ eyes. She’s validated and so belongs. She sits down to the celebration lunch and looks up. Her eyes are met by the eyes of a sad , tired stranger with hollow eyes and dirty hair. She looks for a moment trying to figure out who this person is then freezes as she realises she is looking into the gild framed mirror on the sideboard. She realises that the sad stranger is indeed herself and is horrified.

Her world all of a sudden looks better. The Sexy Single Girl stretches across her king size bed loving every inch that is hers and hers alone. She smiles thinking about her date tomorrow night with the sexy guy who she’s been fantasising about and can feel the butterflies. She falls asleep trying to decide whether to wear her Manolos or her Choos with the slinky dress she bought today.

****

The world of the ‘Wife and Mother’, on the other hand, is filled with school runs, cleaning, nights in watching TV, cooking, ironing mountains of clothes, Saturday afternoons spent un-blissfully food shopping while trying to keep her monsters from getting run over and generally not having the sense or energy to teach her kids how to behave in a civilised world, letting them run riot and be exceedingly loud. She looks forward to family gatherings especially when her single relation is there, as she is the obvious winner of the two. She spends her moments of freedom trying to communicate with her ‘absent’ husband, absent not always physically but who, for too long a time, has had a glazed expression in his eyes and spends more and more time at work.. or with the lads.. or at the gym. Their “conversations” centre around their offspring, food, in-laws, bills.. and they usually end up on either sides of the bed, backs facing each other. The husband dreaming about the Sexy, Independent, Single relation and the wife silently crying into her pillow, desperately wanting to be held. She thinks back to the way things used to be when they first met… the butterflies, the kisses, the delicious sweetness and wonders where it all went sour.

Her mind dares to wander to the days of her singleness, when she had a full diary filled with nights out often including a high amount of alcohol, weekends away with friends or lovers, Saturday afternoons spent blissfully shopping usually coming home with a ‘way-too-expensive’ pair of shoes, cinemas, theatres, galleries, lunch with favourite friends…

….then remembers the feeling of not having Validation. And all of a sudden her world looks better. Her husband (albeit emotionally absent) is physically asleep beside her and although her kids are draining, she has created something in the world. She is a success-she has the Seal of Approval.

******

In the Jimmy Choos of the (Sexy), Independent, Single Girl, I sit here in my beautifully styled, expensive apartment in the best area of town planning my next trip and my next purchase. I think of all the people, the places, the experiences that have touched my life. The sweet moments which linger in my memory, and I look forward to all the exciting things that await me in my future. Sure, sometimes I have moments of loneliness, of discomfort when something breaks down and I have no idea how to fix it but then I remember my married friends.

The simple, safe, predictable people who have never experienced the variety that life has to offer, good and bad, and who only have the growing of their kids to look forward to, and I feel a twinge sorry for them.

I look forward to my next family gathering knowing that I will be arriving looking fabulous and realise that the smug looks I receive are actually tinged with envy. So I figure… I am finally Validated.

Pink Strawberry

Validation

Adagio

L'Arrivo Della Nave

Feng Shui Your Brain

I should have known there'd be a Sacha somewhere on the scene. I mean, it's obvious

He who lives in hope...

Think Bubbles

The Bells..

Thanks For The Thought...

Just As Soon As...

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happyness...

Life Behind a Laptop

Daydream Believer

Across the distance

A dedication

La Forza della Salsa

DREAM OR REALITY