Closed off from Love, I didn’t need the painOnce or Twice was enough, and it was all invain.. I wonder if this is the reason people (ie I) act indifferent in front of obvious interest from someone they’re (I’m) interested in.. This would be fine, but then I spend forever suffering silently while they get the idea to let me be due to my lack of interest. I’ve let this happen over and over and over.. I believed at first it was shyness.. only I’m not so shy, so I guess it has to be fear of suffering again.. but I’m suffering anyway without them, so you know what.. I’m going to break this chain. I want to be cut open and bleed love-it’s time. … and who happens to be the Chosen One?…. ..My Bank Manager who refused me my credit card!!!! If in your fear, you search in Love for peace and pleasure,Then better it would be for you to get off the path of love,To a world without seasons,Where you laugh, but not all your laughter,And cry, but not all your tears
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Bleeding Love
@ 2008-05-31 – 21:29:02
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Just As Soon As...
@ 2008-03-29 – 01:30:03
Lately I’ve come across some strange mystical messages.. you see, all through life I’ve been on “stand by” waiting for my ‘Real’ life to start. I just needed to get to 8 stone for it to begin. I remember as far back as 17 needing just half a stone to get to my life entry and this has gone on for … well a LONG time now and I’m still waiting.. the half a stone became 1 then 2..even 3 stones to go, and then back down again to that damned 7lbs excess. But with the years also came other factors.. location being one of them. “Just As Soon As I get to my dream land my life will start..” After 5 years in my dreamland still living on “stand by” I figured maybe my life will really start when I get back to my homeland.. and get to 8 stone. Just As Soon As that day comes I will finally live instead of just exist. An ad on TV kept telling me to Live or Exist-that I had the key.. but where’s the damned lock?! I just KNOW my life is waiting to happen-one day soon I will wake up, weigh myself and I’ll be there. While I’m celebrating my ‘birth’ the phone will ring and it’ll be Dolce&Gabbana telling me they want me as their muse (although they’ve not seen me 8 stone yet but they saw the potential), then I’ll check my Facebook and, there, in front of me will be my long lost love whose been searching the world and the net for me for 10 years, who has in the meantime become a tycoon. An email will inform me that I’ve been head hunted to become the CEO of a multinational and on checking a 2 week old lottery ticket I’ll find out that I’ve won various millions. All this in the space of 15 minutes. Not to mention the red carpet of my life unfolding in front of me with every moment that passes from then on. This will happen.. I know it. Just As Soon As.. ..What I wasn’t expecting was that.. everyone else’s life is on stand by too. Everywhere I look and listen lately, people are admitting their Paused life. “Just As Soon As I get that job”.. ”Just As Soon As he calls” .. “Just As Soon As my child’s older” .. “Just As Soon As I get my insurance money” ….. If everyone’s life’s on hold-who has the remote???????????? ..Whoever you are-please PRESS PLAY!
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Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happyness...
@ 2008-02-06 – 10:36:04
Americans say everyone has a right to these 3 fundamental things and I totally agree. But in today’s world just how much DO we want these? For example… Life. Does someone who rapes and murders children deserve to live? What about a dictator who has had thousands of people killed? Or on another planet altogether.. someone who’s sick, has been in an irreversible coma for years-don’t they also have the right to pass away or is their only right to Live? In Love, Liberty (i.e. Freedom), is a good thing in the sense Freedom to Love who you want, Freedom from restraints, Freedom to marry the one you love…But when it’s Love to give you your freedom…then it’s a different matter. Freedom to work.. But freedom from work? The Pursuit of Happiness…This is another fundamental thing. We have the right to go after what makes us happy…… but inevitably, our dreams are nightmares for another person. So if we both pursue this happiness and want the same thing, chances are one person will be happy against another or tens, hundreds.. maybe thousands. I always think of an ex boyfriend’s train journey- I was in a terrible state at one end of his journey-but on the other end, another was happy because of his arrival.The Pursuit of Happiness is chasing a dream. But in my case I can say that I can spend years after a dream, lusting over this one detail-and never feeling fulfilled because this thing is missing-even if everything else is wonderful (it never actually is..!) But the moment a miracle occurs and this dream is realised…then it’s time to pursue another dream. And here goes another few years of chasing… until I get what I want… then again.. and again. How many happinesses are we pursuing in life?Are we allowed the pursuit of only one? And seeing as the dreams fulfilled give us little more than half a day of pleasure, Then… what actually IS happiness? A moments pleasure? We spend our lives pursuing a moment of pleasure? Or different moments of pleasure if we’ve been good? Do we get bonus moments?... Do we get a set number when we’re born? Are they the same number for everyone?... cos it doesn’t seem like it. And if not-WHY has someone got more Moments than me? Did they get more points in an Angel test before we were born? Or are Eastern philosophies The Truth-i.e. they must have been good in their past life and I was a Psycho?.. ..Or are the results based on what we actually go after.. what our happiness involves? But even on this case I’m short changed… I don’t want to be J.Lo, or Rich and Famous… I don’t want to rule the world. I just want the 3 fundamental things in life that we should be entitled to… Love, Health and to own a chain of exclusive, top, international, fashion forward, designer stores…! …………So where’s my moment???
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Life Behind a Laptop
@ 2008-02-03 – 12:52:25
I’m an old-fashioned gal-I believe in values, tradition, boy-meets-girl-across-a-crowded-room-fall-in-love-get-married-and-live-happily-ever-after and communicating with 40 page letters which friends have to take a day off work for to read. But, seeing we’re in the “age of technology” even I had to bend to internet and emails. Once I’d conquered them, I was ready to move up to “The Chat”. So I signed up for an account with a popular chat site to see what all the fuss was about.The first message that came up asked me if I wanted cam sex … (what??). The second said “Hi” but the profile picture was of a penis… the third and fourth started off with small talk which then lead to “fancy having some fun?”. I was just about to give up when I encountered a guy who seemed nice, all the time I waited for the inevitable … which never arrived! So I figured this chat game could actually turn out fun. So when I’m bored and have nothing to do and can’t sleep, I log in just to see who’s around as, over the months, I’ve met some really interesting people from all over the world. I say people… in reality I’ve always felt like I’m just chatting to my computer and it takes on a different personality each time and writes back in character… As I’m just talking to my friend, The Computer, my good manners and delicacy go out the window-it’s like a mask. No one knows who anyone is and everyone becomes their alter ego. So when, on one of my chats to a guy I’d got to know over some time, he became pissed at a very indelicate statement I made, I didn’t know how to take it. My computer’s getting mad at me??! I came down to earth with a bump and realised-there are actually people on the other side of my screen-people who feel, and who get pissed at indelicate statements. I can’t be the only one whose personality alters in front of her laptop and as this chat game seems to have taken over how people meet, what happens when 2 people who have been communicating over a screen-2 alter egos playing a game-come face to face in reality? Do people who regularly chat leave a margin for “normality”? And, in reality…which is the real Us-the person we show behind a screen or the one we present face to face?
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Daydream Believer
@ 2007-10-28 – 18:54:41
All through life I’ve had crushes on guys I never got..many seemed promising but somehow it just never happened. This has stopped me from getting better guys who fell at my feet...the problem was they just weren’t the guy I was dreaming about at the time. I spent years on one guy-daydreaming, living for the moment I’d get to glance at them again, and lived on the look, the smile, the handshake, the kiss, the words, the dance that they would give me. This gave me the adrenaline to continue with my quest, spending hours reliving that moment, and boring my friends in the meantime. Now this is great when you are 15 although you burn the best years of your life and it is also ok to have a fleeting crush at 25-it spices up your days..and then you move on to real life. But to spend 5 years on a daydream at a time when you just can’t afford to do that is criminal. Stupid. And I realised today-that’s just what I’ve been doing. Almost 5 years down the line and I think about him morning, noon and night..at this time now I’m hurting myself bad as the hope there was up to 6 months ago has gone. The expiry date was somewhere at the end of summer when (at least that’s what I heard) he was getting married-to the girl who had been at the back of this make-believe relationship all along-but who never seemed to exist. Neither me nor my friends have ever set eyes on her-seemed like she was..IS just a figment of someone’s imagination. Instead this ghost has stolen my hopes, my dreams for a beautiful future and the reason why I’ve spent the past 5 years dreaming...it was ME he had eyes for, ME he looked for wherever we were, ME he held closely while dancing and ME he wanted..instead SHE got the prize. Damn her. So I figured, Ok-move on..if nothing else-to another daydream. So I did..I went back in time-to an enchanted land far far away where a Prince fell in love with a Princess, but the Princess realised just when it was too late that she was also in love with him, all because she was daydreaming about someone else-a toad. The toad never happened (thank God) but the Prince now was gone. Could it be that after 10 years the Prince and Princess find each other and fall into each other’s arms and live happily ever after? Sounds far fetched..but the Princess daydreams that it will happen someday. Meantime in the real world..the boy that the Princess replaced keeps popping up in the most unlikeliest of places-making her go back a step or two. Why would fate do this? Isn’t it enough that she’s lost-does she have to keep having it rubbed in her face? It’s like “Hey, Babe, I wasn’t just a daydream-I exist-and you lost”... I always hated reality because it was cold and grey while daydreams are rainbow coloured but now I wish that somewhere over the rainbow there's a beautiful reality waiting for me with just a hint of colour...
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My Eyes Lied
@ 2007-06-26 – 11:05:12
N..
It started with your eyes following me everywhere I went-but I was too busy suffering with another guy to care-alhough I noticed..
Then I ran away for 2 years and when I came back your eyes told me how happy you were to see me and that your feelings hadn't changed-but I was so shy I showed arrogance..
Day by day as well as your eyes, your body in our bachatas told me that you had fallen for me-again because of my shyness my eyes and body told you I wasn't interested..
Then your eyes started showing sadness that I didn't return your feelings-my eyes told you that I didn't care..
Today I heard you're getting married.
Now I don't want to see your beautiful eyes because I fear the happiness that I'll see-and even more so this time round I might not be able to hide the desperation in mine..
..this time you might see all the love that I've felt for you and my dreams of you in these years.
G
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Across the distance
@ 2007-04-01 – 23:33:28
Guided by moonlight, in the dark, I reach out to you. And in the dark spaces of the night, I can feel you reaching out to me, ... across the distance.
Neither of us can access the place, at this moment, where the word-music and the love-dance are waiting for us. That is why, I just wanted you to know, you are not alone in the dark.. feel for my hand.....Would you look here? Maybe not, let a fairy then, bring this message to you, dear one.
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A dedication
@ 2007-03-31 – 22:16:18
Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me!Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth,
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say, My love why sufferest thou?Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the dayP...
I dream of you often and I hope you are well.
I search and search but to no avail! -
La Forza della Salsa
@ 2007-03-25 – 23:01:08
LA FORZA DELLA SALSA.
Allungo la mia mano, verso di te, per invitarti a ballare. Tu accetti e mi dai la tua. Ormai sei catturata il tuo palmo è appiccicato al mio. Ci avviamo verso il centro della pista sulle ultime note di una canzone che allunga il suo braccio per salutare tutti coloro che hanno gioito ascoltandola.
Siamo in posizione. Quella d’inizio, quella di ballo sociale. Quella dove prendo la tua mano destra e la tengo appoggiata nella mia mano sinistra e la destra cerca dolcemente la tua scapola sinistra mentre la tua sinistra solletica mia spalla destra. L’uno di fronte all’altro sfiorandoci le pupille con sguardi che penetrano nell’animo e mettono a nudo le tue emozioni colorando le tue guance di un colore rosso pallido. Forse ti tengo un po’ troppo stretta tanta è la voglia di cominciare, tanta è l’impazienza di vederti volteggiare tra le mie braccia. Sudo freddo, tanta ansia, il cuore mi batte forte, sento anche il tuo battere nelle vene della tua mano, cerca di copiare il mio, attimi interminabili e quel uno che non arriva più.
Ecco ci siamo, partiamo secchi al primo uno, cerchiamo di capire il tempo, il ritmo, con un paio di “pendoli” è una canzone nota, la conosco bene, altre volte l’ho già ballata “Lola”. “Cross body lead”, poi ti mando in settanta, cerco di eseguire l’ultima figura studiata “il settanta super complicao”. Riusciamo ad arrivare in fondo alla figura, non è stata un gran che, non importa, mi riuscirà meglio la prossima volta, non c’è delusione nei tuoi occhi tanto meno nei miei. Ti invito a fare un “aspirina”, quando volteggi davanti al mio corpo accendi anche l’ultimo ormone rimasto spento è continuo l’eterno gioco del richiamo con i movimenti che fai con il tuo bacino. Siamo uniti in un solo corpo, i miei movimenti sono i tuoi movimenti, le tumbadoras guidano i nostri passi, il nostro tempo. Seguiamo la musica meccanicamente, come serpenti incantati, non c’è più bisogno di farti capire quale figura eseguire. I nostri sguardi comunicano, tu sai già cosa stiamo per fare, quale movimento sto per chiederti e lo esegui benissimo con grazia e armonia seguendo il ritmo caliente della canzone che ormai sta per finire. Ultimi istanti di un esperienza unica che lascia il segno. Un segno stampato nella memoria, simile ma non uguale a tanti altri balli fatti, inequivocabilmente unico.
Siamo al termine. “Brava” ti dico, poi ti accompagno a sedere e ti lascio con i tuoi amici.
La forza della Salsa nel fondere due corpi in uno, nel sollecitare sensazioni forti anche tra persone che non si conoscono è notevole. Chi ama la Salsa prova emozioni “pure” mentre balla. Se ti capita di ballare con persona che prova quello che provi tu per questa musica, ti sentirai risucchiare in un vortice di passioni, ti sentirai parte integrale dell’altro corpo, impotente nel dominare i tuoi istinti, accarezzato da una soave brezza che ti fa sentire leggero, trasportato, senza poter opporre resistenza, come in un sogno dove cerchi di scappare ma non riesci a muoverti.
Amici Salseri auguro a voi tutti belle giornate al ritmo caldo e sensuale della Salsa.
Pep (parole1-splinder.com)
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DREAM OR REALITY
@ 2007-03-11 – 18:41:18
I’m often told I live in a dream world.. and it’s true. Since I was a little girl I’ve lived a parallel existence between reality and a beautiful imaginary world where life is what I want it to be. My real world, like everyone’s, has often been full of troubles, of loneliness, stress, doing things I didn’t want to do, living a life I didn’t want to live. But the moment I shut everything out and go to my never never land, my tears and frustration turn to laughs and happiness. I’ve heard of people wanting to be someone else, fortunately this has never been my case. I want to be ME just in a different situation. In a world without arrogant people, without abuse of power, where I can be whatever I want to be, do whatever I want to do, say what I want to say…wear what I want to wear, not having to worry about pounds (£ and lbs)! Often the imaginary and real worlds collide.. and this is where it gets complex. You see, on the one hand, my ‘dream’ life gives me hope for tomorrow, because…You never know… And this gives me optimism which in turn puts a smile on my face, and a dream in my heart and I feel my stress melt away. On the other hand, sometimes I come back to earth with a bang.. I also let many an opportunity pass me by because reality never quite matches up, and…well, if I wait…you never know..!And then sometimes…just sometimes, reality shakes you with something so wonderful that you didn’t even have the fantasy to dream about…
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow
Hughes
